Sunday, June 23, 2013

Ce que je ressens

black hair, blue, blue eyes, eyes, face, frail

Ce que je ressens What I feel.

I don't usually talk to people about my problem. I never did. It's not because I don't have any friends, it's just that I'm not comfortable sharing my emotion. my sadness with other people. Kinda embarrass too actually. Whenever I feel sad or upset, I'll just go into my room and start crying. Just sitting on the floor alone and sink deep into my sadness. 

I'm the kind of girl who listen to people so well. My friends always told me I'm naive. Even my boyfriend notice that too. He kept telling me that I can't stand on my own. I do realize that I can't make my own decision and I tend to follow what other people thinks of me. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm too weak. No, I am WEAK. People tends to order me around because I'm easy. I don't mind helping others because they need help. It's not a wrong thing to do. I just wanna help. But all my friends see is me being an easy target to do stuff for other people. I always look willingly to do something for other people. That's why I'm the naive girl.

Making decision is hard for me because I have to think what other people is gonna think if I take any sudden action. I always think about other before doing something. I'd rather sacrifice my happiness just to make others happy. But in the end, I suffer everything inside, deep in my heart. I cry so that I can see other people's happiness. I thought I'm gonna be fine but no. It was never fine. It hurts me, a lot. But I don't mind as long as they're happy.

And now, I don't know if I'm still the naive girl or a new girl. I'm still searching of what I've lost that I don't even know what it is. 

Maybe courage is what I need 
The courage to speak up for myself 
The courage to stand up for myself

The world is cruel sometimes. You just don't realize it 
When you're too nice, people take advantage on you 
When you're bad, people will keep their distance away from you  

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